Being before Doing: Lead with a Limp

Luke 9:23—If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross…

I’ve been asked if I miss student ministry. I laugh and say “no” without hesitation. But I do follow with qualification. I don’t miss the job, I miss the people. I am still grieving the change from student ministry to church planting not because the tasks were sacred, but because the people were. When I began the church planting process I went through a season of great stress—my body is still recovering from the effects. What brought the most stress in that season was the realization that following my vocation was going to mean the loss of a community that had become family. I feared letting people down, took their criticisms too hard, and struggled to be honest about how much it all hurt because I didn’t want anyone else to have to bear my pain with me. Yes, I will struggle with reciprocity for my whole life.

Following God into vocation will always cost us something.

Letting go of false dreams

The first thing that God needed to do was allow my false dreams to die. I know that I wanted to lead a church built on presence, vulnerability, depth, discipleship and slowness. But there was still this expectation in the back of my mind that droves of people would want to be a part of that. I expected to have to turn away people in order to preserve the health of our sending church. I believed my charisma and caring nature could sustain a massive church. Thankfully, God didn’t give me this dream. Table of Life began with 12 adults and 11 children. A beautiful extended family. A family that He continues to work through and in.

But I wasn’t the only one with dreams. In the course of the year before planting I remember three stinging criticisms. Zach, you aren’t entrepreneurial enough, you aren’t extroverted enough, you’re only a preacher. There were more, but these were concerns I heard more frequently than others. What I came to realize is that they saw the job of church planter very different from the pastoral vocation that had been growing in me. When I would share about this vocation people couldn’t fit it into their perception of the job of church planting.

But here’s what I learned through battling my own expectations and others: our vocations need to be shared first by Christ. And sometimes, you have to be willing to be misunderstood in order to be faithful. Not everyone is going to cheer you on, not everyone is going to get it.

Lead with a Limp

There’s a temptation in pastoral ministry to hide our wounds. To present ourselves as whole, stable, unshaken. But the true shepherd is one who walks with a limp. I don’t pretend to be perfect. I don’t measure up to everyone’s expectations, even my own. But what I do as a leader is follow Jesus and point others to do the same. I strive to be open about my own short-comings. When we perform a job we seek to perform to the best of our ability and need to get top marks and be exceptional. When we live into a vocation there is space for mess. We can be open about our pains, our incompatibilities, our unmet expectations and in this Christ really shines through us.

2 Corinthians 4:7: We have this power is Jars of Clay to show that this power is from God and not from us.

So where does all of this lead?

It leads to a simple, stunning invitation: Let your calling cost you something. Let it shape your days and interrupt your plans. Let it hurt. Let it heal. Let it form in you the likeness of Christ, who was not afraid to pour himself out — even for people who wouldn’t understand it, or return it.

Because this is how the world is changed. Not through celebrity pastors or church growth strategies or brand platforms. But through ordinary men and women who allow Christ to shine through them.

A final word

Thank you for joining me on this journey. Exploring vocation has helped me to articulate so many things about my life and helped me think about my purpose in God’s plan. He begs me to BE before I try to Do. To be present as an act of my being before I try to accomplish tasks for others. I begin my search for vocation by asking “who?” before “what?”, and evaluating my progress by my presence with others instead of my performance in tasks. This will lead us to suffer with others, this will be possible by trusting our own suffering to others in return. And if we count the cost, God may give us a grand picture of how He desires to use us from his Kingdom.

Take Peace With You,

Zach